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Writer's pictureBill Stauffer

Gratitude Friday - 07 19 24 Tribe

“Human beings need three basic things in order to be content: they need to feel competent at what they do; they need to feel authentic in their lives; and they need to feel connected to others. These values are considered "intrinsic" to human happiness and far outweigh "extrinsic" values such as beauty, money and status.” - Sebastian Junger, Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging

 

It is likely that I spend more time than most people thinking about what sustains people in ways that keep them feeling fulfilled. My personal life and my professional life have focused me on these matters from an early age. Addiction recovery depends on wellness. On feeling like one has a life and does not need to check out on it. A great deal of my time in both realms as failure to do so in my own life would represent an existential risk. In my professional life, helping people find these things in their own life is at the heart of long-term recovery for many people.

 

I should back up a moment and note that I do not think addiction is a matter of social isolation as a primary causation. As this is a personal blog, suffice it to say science is consistent with the statement that addiction is a primary condition caused by complex factors related to genetics and environment. A condition that defies simple one size fits all explanations, although that does not stop us from trying to find them. We like to distill complexity to simplicity but that is a topic for another day.

 

On the topic of what we need to have to feel like we have lives worth leading, I also think it is fair to say that we are in somewhat of a global crisis. Modern society and technological advancement has isolated us all, turned a lot of work into mundane and meaningless tasks. Overloaded us with information in ways we can end up questioning or feeling uncertain even basic things like the authenticity of a picture or things like shared purpose with others. In short, our society is squeezing the life out of life for many of us. As societies, the main function is to create conditions in which people have connection, purpose and meaning. These are issues we should be focusing on in order to raise the next generation and sustain our world.

 

One of the things that I had thought, read and written about a great deal about four years ago as the COVID Pandemic unfolded is that one of the things that can bring us together are shared disasters as we can pull together and experience a collective resiliency. I wrote this piece on another site, Recovery Review just as the great isolation started in late March 2020. My sense looking back is that we did not experience that collective resilience on the scope I had hoped. I do suspect that a lot of what was behind the Great Resignation was people shifting their work habits in an attempt to do things that they valued. For some that meant early retirement, for others a career change.

 

Others are thinking about these same kinds of things. Sebastion Junger the writer behind The Perfect Storm which was adapted to a movie and the writings that inspired the movie Restrepo has explored some of these themes in his book Tribe. It is quoted above and another in which he and some combat vets he served with as a war correspondent in Iraq wandered across Western PA living nomadically in a book titled Freedom.

 

For regular readers, these are themes I tend to return to time and time again. This is because I think the theme is perhaps our most important one. I would be the last person to suggest to any of you how to find the three fundamental needs Junger describes above as there are a myriad of ways to do so. Readers may consider how to find these things more frequently as our society moves in ways that lead to these fundamental needs not being fulfilled without intention.

 

I am grateful that on most days, I experience a sense of competence, connection and purpose. For me personally, they are buffers against all the challenges of our world, and I am grateful that I have them. There are people who do similar things, those I consider part of my tribe. If you are reading this and don’t have a sense of tribe, one way to find it may be to look for ways to help others on the individual level. You can find all of these things in helping others or adopting purpose to save animals or the environment. The truth of this is captured in my all-time favorite quote by W. H. Auden, “We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.”

 

I am grateful that for all of my struggles I have found that I have been able to sustain these fundamental needs in my own life. Junger captures this in his quote above. Simply for a good life, pursue the intrinsic instead of the extrinsic. The truth of this is found in the fact that some of the most unhappy people have all the high-status brands of things while others who live more humble and purpose driven lives live well. That on most days I experience a sense that life is good by these measures leads me to be filled with gratitude.


What are you grateful for today?  

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Hi, thanks for stopping by!

I appreciate your taking a moment to check out my blog. Would love it if you add your email to be notified of new posts. Any thoughts or additions you may have, feel free to add them in the comments.

Stay well,

Bill

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